Welcome to my sad days

 “…… you left me hanging on a wall,

In a room where no one wants to walk in…” 

Welcome to my sad days , sorry the butterflies here cry themselves to death when I think of him. 

Welcome to my sad days

 It’ll be dark, for now 

…..but as usual there will be light at the end of the tunnel 

Welcome to my sad days , sorry the coffee here is as bitter as the excruciating pain of a heartbreak ❤️‍🩹 

Assortment of Flavour

 Every -Assortment of teas- I’ve ever gotten were from someone who “saw them and thought about me or thought that I would love them”

This has led me to strongly believe that I too am an assortment of flavors .

It makes sense

Chief bridesmaids speech

December 2019 , my best friend got married and naturally I had to be the one to give the speech 

This was it …………. 

“Assalamu Alaikum 

Good evening , hii, 

My name is Mufida Kardi 

I hope you’re all having a wonderful time ...celebrating these two love birds 

Deena!!! You look stunning!! And shihab mmm not bad 

Growing up ,madeena and I would plan how our wedding ceremonies would be , the colors, the flowers, the dress , the Music .…everything you’re seeing today was pre-ordained 

But the one thing we didn’t plan was who the groom was going to be. 

  Now if you’ve known madeena for a very long time then You’ve definitely heard about shihab once or twice before 

So when she called to tell me that she was getting married TO SHIHAB!!!! 

Famm !!! I was shocked , i kept asking her “SHIHAB?????” “SHIHABBB???” I really thought she was joking but most of all I was filled with joy 

Shihab I applaud your patience and your consistency 👏🏾

I have always hoped and prayed that my best friend would find someone who’s at least half as loving and loyal as her , I prayed that she would find someone who would recognize that there was truly no one in the world quite like her 

Shihab I am happy to see that you are all that I hoped, for my best friend, I’m so happy to know that you love her the way that she deserves  

My prayer for you two is that Allah gives you the patience to always wait for what is best and the wisdom to understand each other and to always make the right decisions 

I pray that You will always be kind to each other

Madeena , Shihab , I am honored to not only be a significant part of these special days but also a significant person in your lives and I am Beyond excited to see the next chapter of your lives unfold , together as husband and wife 

Thank you” 

.....to love

 LOVE 

Oh to experience love, butterflies in your stomach, the excitement when you hear their voice 

We tend to  romanticize the idea of love until  it loses its magic, we mistake romance for love, kisses on the forehead, red roses every evening ,dates and baecations , back rubs and magical sex. Don’t get me wrong I want my life to be one long romantic episode but I also want it to have substance.

What do we have after all that?  do you find pleasure in their presence? can you sit and talk to them for hours? can you sit with them comfortably in silence ? do you trust them, trust their judgement? What happens after  everything fades? Will you still have a friend? A companion?

I always say i want to be sober in love, what good does it do you to be drunk in love?, to see no fault of theirs,arent you afraid of a perfect man/woman?

I Once loved a man whose flaws were non-existent to me , he wasn’t even my “spec” but I found him to be perfect! My brain!!! ,my brain  refused to work with my heart,there was no mediation on this case, Logic prevailed. I told myself i could not marry this man, if  i am so blinded by the love that i have for him that i see no wrong ,no red flags, then i cant marry him , i know love, i know how it makes people submit and i do not submit to men,  mortals? NO! you take away my essence by making me submit to love.

To know what’s for you — you have to know what you can and can’t tolerate and i can’t tolerate being drunk in love

I understand who i am and what feeds me outside of someone else. The biggest mistake people make in a relationship is becoming someone they’re not . A mold to fit a lover’s preference. I believe a good partner is someone who can only complement me, not ‘complete’ me. 

Overtime you lose a sense of who you are when you commit to partner’s preference and neglect who you really are - A distasteful marriage.

“love without consciousness becomes control” theres nothing romantic about being drunk in love,true love comes with freedom,true love liberates.

Love for me is to make room not to tolerate, tolerating  is to discomfort yourself , i want to make room for you in my life and i want you to do the same for me , I want to be with a man who understands the value of being with me, I am not a seasonal fruit , I am water ,you could survive without but what an unhealthy life that will be.

 

Learning how to cook

We never had to do any chores , the only thing mum would occasionally force us to do was make our beds and there was only two of us, we were fortunate enough to always have maids, but we loved to learn and we loved to watch.

My mum cooked once in a while and when she did it would count as one of the best days of our lives, i always wondered why she didn't cook more often, maybe because she didn't really have the time,  she had blessed hands, it was always an exciting experience when she cooked, she had her own twist to everything, even something as simple as an omelet was memorable, i never liked eggs, but whenever my mum made eggs i would devour them. 

There was always layers of unique flavors in her dishes, her cakes were like eating love , she was a masterchef....it saddens me greatly that i didn't get to learn enough from her, cook with her, write with her, she was once a writer y'know......but grateful for the little time we had.

She passed away when i was 12 and thus began my Cinderella story , a journey of learning life skills , i still remember the disbelief on my aunties faces when i told them i didn't know how to sweep or how to cook or how to do laundry . It was hard ,coming out of my comfort and facing a cruel world , learning everything with no one to reference to, and no one to really guide me, at least in a caring manner, no one really has the time or patience to lovingly guide you through life except someone who wholeheartedly cares about you y'know, your mother for example. It was very challenging but though it was like walking through the valley of death ,it was a memorable journey.

 

I have always been a loner, i've always enjoyed my own company,   i like to observe ,i like to listen, i like learning how things are made ,how things work , just for my information. 

I was fortunate enough to go away for uni, another country ,another continent, i had my own apartment , i had the opportunity to do some self discovery and to evolve. I had all the time to figure out if i was a toilet seat up or toilet seat down person , if i was an early morning workout person or a late night one , had time and space to understand my emotions, my body , my relationships, discover how my brain works, i even found out that i have a photographic memory but that's a story for another page. 

I learned how to cook through observation and learned how to bake through trials , i had a close friend who enjoyed cooking and trying out new recipes, i'd always watch her and her processes ,and then when i go back to my apartment id try to recreate, id watch a lot of youtube videos, call my aunties to ask them what goes in the pot first and slowly slowly i learned the art of cooking, i developed my own recipes , my own unique approach and i asked a lot of questions. I figured i was living in a country where food and spice was an important part of their culture and so i had to fully explore, i had access to a variety of food and spice that i didn't even know existed , i would often go to a restaurant and eat something remarkable and i'd come home and try to recreate it.

Mum never liked boring food, I inherited that from her, so i learned how to "unbore" a dish ,by adding something to elevate it, some bananas in jollof rice, honey in soup, lemon juice sprinkled on chicken, a quick  cabbage sauce, and the list goes on.

On this wonderful journey, i learned how to make and enjoy Arabian food from a lovely Emirati  neighbor  i had ,HIYAM ,beautiful woman , she figured i loved exploring food and i loved Arabian food so she taught me how to make every arabian dish that i know and love to cook today ,  Maghloubeh,Molukhia,Mandi,Falafel,Mansaf!!! oh how i loved to make Mansaf.

One of the best experiences throughout my life (thus far) has been learning how to cook and how to quickly whip something up ,truly a great skill to have.

My sister on the other hand it comes natural to her , everything she cooks taste good and i believe she's a better cook than i am , its a debate we keep having at home. One day while i was making chicken lollipops ,she came into the kitchen to see what i was doing and she said to me, '' i hope we live in the same city when we get married" i asked why? she said "so that i can come to your house everyday to eat" and i said 'wont you cook in your house?' "of course ill cook but i know there's always going to be something better and fancy in your house" it made me so happy, that was the confirmation i needed to know that i was doing well for someone who had to learn everything on her own. Its the same way i feel when my dad specifically asks for me to make his food. MUM WOULD BE PROUD. 

 

 

I remember her warmth

 Sometimes I remember her warmth 

When I see daughters curl up beside their moms 

When they run to mom when they have good news and when they have bad news 

When they sit together and have nice conversations 

When they need a problem solved 

When they simply pick up their phones and call their moms 

I remember her warmth when I’m sick and no one sits by my bed 

When I have a cold and no one rubs menthol on my chest 

When my cover slips and no one puts it back

When my heart breaks and I cry alone at night 

I remember her warmth when I feel stuck and completely lost 

I remember her warmth when I have to buy things that moms usually take care of 

I remember her warmth everyday, I wonder if she remembers mine too 

Are we being commodified? Hell yes!

Beauty has always been a weapon against women for centuries and centuries now.

Every century,decade and now ,every year, there’s a new standard of beauty. 

We had an Era where “thick” women were what was in style , if you were skinny you were considered malnourished , too Bonny and just unattractive ,men would literally choose a curvier woman over a skinny one, thick women were considered more likely to bear kids / become mothers and better wives .

There was the Era of tall girls , that was when high heels were introduced , women were made to believe that they were more attractive if they were just a little bit taller , and heels could do that for you plus make your legs even look more slender . So every woman got a pair of heels or two 

The Era of thick lips , women were taught how to make their lips look thicker by applying lipstick outside the lines of their lips to give the illusion of fuller /thicker lips 

The Era of whiteness (still going on) 

Women were made to believe that the lighter their skin the more beautiful they were , and till today men would literally choose a lighter skinned woman over her darker skinned sister 

The Baby hair era, = having hair as sleek and beautiful as a baby’s was more attractive, so women especially Africans and Arabs were practically forced into straightening their hairs, so it would look more wavy and what not - thereby making them more attractive 

The Era of skinny women- if you were skinny you were considered to have a body of a model , a goddess even , you were the standard of beauty, mothers would tell their daughters that no man wants a fat woman , 😒🤦🏾‍♀️, so women were yet again forced to start eating certain things and engage in certain activities, girls would starve themselves so  they wouldn’t add any weight. 

And now we are in a very messed up Time, where we have people who still want what they have been programmed to want and then we have the resistance 💁🏾 people who refuse to conform to patriarchy , people who are more self aware and conscious. It’s the real melting pot and it gets stirred a lot! . 

Beauty becomes a weapon against women ,because you have media and some people around you constantly telling you how you’re supposed to look because the ability for you to have a successful relationship with people but especially men is based on how you look. Absolutely nothing to do with the state of your mind. Just how you look . 

My problem is that we are basically being monetized and mentally played with . 

For them it’s just another way of making money and for us it is stunting our mental and societal growth,it is very saddening. 

Tune in next week for more . https://goo.gl/images/cPe4cU

A walking art

.........and everyday I step out of my apartment, I take up the role of a walking piece of art , because.......because many people here have never seen an African before or they've never seen one holding an iPhone before or they've simply never seen one that doesn't look like they're starving and they hunt bulls back home. 

Everyday I step out of my apartment, I am a walking Art , worth all the stares , hellos and smiles . 

I gave you my book , you destroyed it

If I ever am kind enough to lend you a book of mine , so that you may also go on that lovely adventure , should you unfortunately be used by the devil,persuaded into neglecting my dear book, to the extent that you lose it or stain it ,or tear it ! with your untender hands ....... 

please! 

Do not // attempt to // "just buy me a new one" // NO! ,listen! I can lend out anything of mine // easily !//  but when it comes to books , //for me// it takes // strength //  in order to entrust // my book // to you , and you see, there's a difference between you buying me a book as a gift and you buying me a book to replace the one // you // so carelessly destroyed.
What I will //need// from you is an apology //every// morning, //everyday!!// Till I get fed up and permit you to stop ! 

The book? I'll buy myself a new one.

Liszt - Années de pèlerinage - I. Suisse - 8. Le mal du pays #Tsukuru Tazaki