Once upon a time

"Is something wrong with me? " she asked as she knifes the cake.
Okay I think I need to rescue that cake,  It's fascinating how bakers find it okay to actually devour their master piece just after making it, I mean I would take pictures of it and send to hundreds of people and 10 magazines first.
  "He's taking a break, yeah in her pants he is" she says disgusted, like she's just tasted something acerbic.
"Honey please!  Don't butcher the beautiful cake " I carefully take away the knife like you take a loaded gun from a crazy person.
"Honey listen to me,  you've got to forget him,  you've finally come out of the room, finally eating again, even baking and you're gonna keep ruining your mood by thinking about him?" I add.

Okaythis cake is goood, it was made with so much pain, how is it this Good?!
"Theres nothing wrong with you, you're just full of love and you give a lot of it to dumb guys who don't know how lucky they are " I explained, even though she's probably not listening
"He promised not to ever hurt me" she says to herself and wipes the tear wheeling down to the corner of her nose.
"Is that a tear?  For God's sake what did I just say? " "come here, please " these days the hugs are so long and sad.
Fěn comes into the living room and tip toes straight to the kitchen, opens the fridge, picks an Apple, and closses the door slowly.  I think she's convinced that no one can see her.  She walks away but turns just as she was about to disappear into the foyer, "I think she should have one last cry, I think you should let her say everything she needs to say out Loud, ask all the rhetoric questions she needs to ask, and thats it, never again, you know? " she says in the most Chinese way ever.  Okay hold up!  That's the most she has ever said since she moved in with us.
We met Fěn just last month at the poetry club, she's a transfer student and studies Medicine at the uni but she loves poetry.
She was new and living at a hotel, we needed one more house mate and she seemed nice and very innocent.
"It means Pink " she said after we had exhausted all efforts of having a conversation with her
"Okay, i swear, Fěn you're like the queen of corporate-monosyllabic-kingdom" Ella blurts out
"My name" she says.  "Oh your name Fěn? Means pink? " I say excitedly
"That's awesome" Ella says "honestly never thought of what other cultures named their colors"

"Ella!  You heard the pink lady" I said, holding her red face in my cold hands
"Oh and by the way Fěn,  what the hell?  That's the most I've heard you say..... like ever! " we both laugh
"Maybe you will hear more, you know" she says as she disappears.

To be continued........
If you want to add a few lines to this story please feel free to..... ☺😀

Dear Moon

Do you know how magical you are? 
You light the whole world with your beautiful florescent light

You're like a guardian Angel, aren't you?
Like a mother that looks over her babies

Am I your baby?  Is that why you light up my dark days? 

Am I your baby?  Is that why you stare back when I stare at your amazing being? 
I wish I could go up there and sit right across you, Tell you about the man I love,  about how much good I want to leave in this world.

Tell me, do you get lonely up there? Or is the world a stage? Are we (humans)all players with different entrances and exists?
  
Does the rain keep you company when it falls at night? 

Do you see how life travels and how time flows? 

Is man truly born broken?
 
Dear Moon, do you have any answers for me? 

*       *

    ~

Dear Moon,
Are you friends with the snow? ,  did you see me slip and fall last winter? It was indeed comical ,  did you have a laugh? 

Dear Moon,
Mysterious ball of light,will you show me your dark side or will you glow forever?

... wears her mask so perfectly

I know you cry when you're alone
I know you wish you never let yourself love the first guy so much
I know you cry when you remember the times they layed their hands on you
I know you cried because you thought people knew your secrets and they hated you

I can only imagine what your mind is like
I can only imagine what nightmares haunt you at night

You've made so many mistakes
Built up a mountain of regrets.....one over another

And sometimes I love watching you,
how you walk with your head up high and your mask worn so perfectly

All you want is to be loved, well guess what?  It's all everyone wants, to love and be loved in return

I hope one day you realize what a heavenly creature you are
Realize you're worth more than you get
Only then will you get the love you seek

And no man will ever want to lay his hands on you except to run them through your soft body and heal where it hurts

You are a woman Not a toy!  Not a weapon!  You are not for sale, you are a woman, as unique as they come

Always feel beautiful because God didn't create anyone Ugly! 
Xx

It's okay not to be okay

The story of Abu-Hurairah and the Ahlus-suffah

Theres this hadith/story that i love so much , its about patience and trust in Allah 

"It has been narrated that Abu Hurairah,may Allah be pleased with him said : 

"Ahlus-suffah were guests of Islam as they had no families or properties . 

By Allah but whom there is no God, (sometimes) i would lie down (sleep) on the ground on my liver (abdomen) because of hunger , and sometimes i would bind a stone over my belly because of hunger .

       "One day i sat next to the path from which they (the prophet and his companions) used to come out . Abu-bakr passed by me and i asked him about a verse from Allahs book (Qur’an) ; i asked him only that he might satisfy my hunger, but he passed by and did not do so. Then Umar passed by and i asked him about a verse from Almighty Allahs book ; i asked him also only that he might satisfy my hunger , but he passed by without doing so . Then Abul-Qasim (The beloved prophet SAW) passed by me, and SMILED when he saw me (as he had perceived my suffering ). He said , ‘O Abu Hurairah!’ I replied, ‘here i am at your service, O Messenger of Allah!’ He said to me ‘follow me!’ .

He went away and i followed him. Then he entered his house and i asked for permission (to enter ) and he gave me permission. He found milk in a bowl and said (to his household) , ‘from where have you gotten this milk’ it was said ‘it has been presented to us by such and such man .’ He said ,'O Abu Hurirah !' I said , ‘Here i am at your service’. He said, ‘Go and call Ahlus-suffah.’ These (Ahlus-suffah) were guests of islam who had no families or properties and whenever an object of charity was brought to the Prophet (PBUH) he would send it to them and would not take anything from it (for himself),and whenever any present was given to him he would take some of it for himself and send some for them . 

    ‘The (Prophet’s order to call them) upset me , and i said (to myself), ‘How will this (small) bowl be enough for Ahlus-Suffa?’  The prophet (PBUH) had sent me to them and he would order me to give the milk in that bowl to them . I wondered what would remain of that milk for me ,and i wished i could take from it what would satisfy my (hunger).However , i could not but obey Allah and His Messenger (PBUH) so i went to them and called them .

     When they entered upon him (PBUH) and took their seats (in the house) ,he (PBUH) said , ‘O Abu Hirr (Abu-Hurairah) ,take this bowl (of milk) and give to them.’ So i took the bowl and started giving it to one man who would drink his fill and return it (to me ) , whereupon i would give it to another man who ,in his turn , would drink ,until i finally reached the Messenger of Allah (PBUH) after all of them had drunk their fill. The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) took the bowl and put it on his hand , then raised his head toward me and SMILED then said , 'O Abu-Hirr!' i replied , 'here i am ,at your service ,o Messenger of Allah'  He said 'sit down and Drink.' i drank ,then he said , ‘Drink (again) ,’ and i drank . Then he said , 'Drink (once more)’ and i drank . He kept on telling me to drink repeatedly until i said , ‘By Him who sent you with the Truth , i have no (more) space for it (in my stomach) .’ So, he (PBUH) took the bowl and praised Allah then Drank (from the remaining milk)” 

Subhanallah how Amazing  was the Prophet (PBUH)

This hadith teaches us to be kind to others so that Allah will be kind to us , to help others and Allah will help us . 

Allah SWT sees everything we do , no good deed goes unrewarded , Allah SWT will pay you back ,its a promise HE made , and wouldn’t you prefer Allahs gift?

Give to people who are in need no matter how small and you would be amazed by what Allah will do for you in return ,He might not give back immediately but indeed if we are patient we will receive amazing rewards/gifts from Allah . 

May Allah SWT be Pleased with the Messenger PBUH ,his household ,His companions and his Ummah . Ameen .

unfinished ....... now finished

Hi ,

so recently, ive been reading/hearing so many stories about the girl/boy relationship , funny ,sad , ridiculous stories , so i thought maybe it has something to do with our minds you know , and understanding these beautiful minds of ours might just be the solution to many of our problems .

Ive been meaning to talk to men , to visit these ''simple'' minds of theirs, i believe i have both a mans and a womans mind,but i dont even know what a mans mind looks like .

Id imagine it to be like a garden full of statues, fountains and dark haunting music ,like a house full of simple and vague space, with weird but unique paintings on the wall , paintings that confuse the hell out of you ,paintings that would appear coquettish today and timid tomorrow

................they confuse her , he gives her a soft smile ,gently rubs her back and says ''this one! looks like trees in a dark forest ,dont it? but its a boy , a hybrid boy , half human half jaguar ''  but it still makes no sense to her  ,she retains her blank stare and continues to wonder why anyone would paint something so dark and meaningless .

😂😂😂 i swear im stuck ...........ill be back 

By the way i decided to ask some guys a few random questions one of which was 

If a girl (a friend) were to ask you out ,and it turns out youre not intrested ,how would you respond? what would you say to her ? (bear in mind that you have to respect her feelings ,her tenderness and bravery and bear in mind that it doesnt make her any less noble or weak or deminish her dignity )

Here are some of the answers :

sorry ill be back , have to go eat dinner ,for im about to faint .....

                                                  ******* 18 days later *******

I'm back
Where were we ? ...... Ah yes , answers .
1- " well I would let her down easy , I would tell her how flattered I am and that she's an amazing lady, but I'm just not there yet, I don't want a relationship at the moment , I'm sorry "

I liked that

2- " I'll just play along , I can't say no to a friend, I'll play along and date her , but of course she won't get any love from me , so when she realizes that ,she'll leave on her own . "

Wow ! I wouldn't like that

3- "I would tell her that I'm currently in a relationship, so I can't be with her , because it would be unfair on both of them , I just don't double date...she has to believe and respect that! There's no other way to say no"

4- "I would be a little bit disappointed, a person knows when someone likes them , you can see it in everything they do when you're with them , so if I have noticed the feelings she has for me and haven't acted upon ? Then she ought to get over it and move on . I mean would telling me make me fall immediately in love with her ? No , so why not save us both the trouble . "

I liked this one too , however I don't like the fact that he would get disappointed,but hey! i aint judging .

Amazing right? One guy called me and asked me , "what do you think I would say to her ?" I said , "you'd probably say yes , I mean one more girl to the list no?" And he laughed so hard

The first guy I asked said " hey is this friend YOU? , should I call you ? Is there something you want to say to me ? " WHAT? God NO! "What the...? Nooo it's for my Blog you ass, God! Is that what every guy i ask is going to think ? Seriously?""
So I had to tell them all that it was for my blog .

I liked how they all thought differently, yes all humans do think differently but you know how people say all men are the same? I knew someone would say "yes" and have fun  you know , anyway turns out I know some reasonable guys .


I asked another friend about the mans mind and he said ,(I like what he said ) " men are perverts , that's just it, however , our sex drive has nothing to do with our hearts.We have emotional balance so its hard for a woman to read us emotionally , Especially when shes in love"

Couldn't have been said any better don't you think?

I'm terrible with conclusions , so help me out , pretend I wrote something brilliant in the end :)


CHEERS ****

Pantagonia

This is where i want to be right now
look at this heavenly view , i imagine this is a place where all troubles and problems are forgotten ,a place where theres only peace

This is a place i want to go to ,hell  i want it right behind my house ,(i do know volcanic eruptions are highly anticipated here ,but still....) , i mean look at that view ,gaddamn !
Wouldnt you want to sit and read a book or think of all the decisions you've made in your life , good decisions though you dont want to be depressed in a place like this , OR you can ,whatever ,its your life .
You can craugh (cry and smile at the same time) ,while eating a very delicious doughnut ,( sounds like something i would do )
whatever DO YOU !  :)
#pantagonia #heaven

Weird dreams

Do you wake up from sleep and remember the weird dream you just had? weird ,funny and wishing a part of it would happen? OR not ...

Do you dream about the last thing/person you talk about before bed? seriously do you? because i do

I asked people to tell me about their weird dreams and they told me the most ridiculous stories ever

A:
" so i was a queen of an island ,and the people were all babies , like babies who talk ,walk,work,go to school and what not and one day we were having a ceremony ,so there was this large pot in which we were cooking God knows what , and our island was invaded by some men , they came all the way from europe to take our soup (it was then apparent that we were making soup) ,then i cuddled with all the babies and we listened to ''te amo'' by rihanna .it was ridiculous !!! ,i woke up like whaaaat ,waiit a minute!! ...."  😂😂

B:
" One cold night i was using a hot water bag ,i placed it close to my feet and immediately slept off ,i dreamt that i was locked in what seemed like a tower , i was prisoner there obviously , so i tried calling for help and tried to escape , there were people outside the door and windows ,like i could see and talk to them , they got fed up with me talking and throwing threats up and down ,so they turned on some type of gas ,painful gas , it started with my right foot , it was like a very hot sharp iron was pierced into my skin , it was that pain you get when you cut yourself with a new sharp knife , i couldnt bear it .......i woke up panicking and bloody upset ,only to realise my very hot water bag was under my right foot hurting and boiling me .....i laughed at the dream and the ''painful gas'' ..."😂

C:
'' so my family and i were at the airport taking pictures , and we found ourselves at a terminal ready to travel . i went to get something and when i came back they were already boarding , i was far far behind, i could see them , and could perhaps reach them but my legs just werent quick enough , my brother kept yelling at me telling me to run , and just when i got there the plane was already on the runway , did i stop? oh no! i ran after the plane til i got on the wing ......... woke up right after that ... 😂''

D:
" I dreamt of a baby , my baby ,it was weird even in the dream it just felt weird ,because no one questioned my pregnancy ,no one was bothered that i wasnt married ,....anyway i delivered the baby and this baby of mine was suddenly my little brothers age (2) and he bullied the hell out of my brother  😂 ,also they both could talk and understand each other only "😂

E :
 '' I dreamt of my wedding day , i had never seen the man before and he also had never seen me before , it was an arranged marriage perhaps .
on the wedding day everyone just couldnt wait to see my husband and on his side they also couldnt wait to see me ,i sent my sisters to go see/meet him when they arrived because i wasnt allowed to . she came back and told me she could only see him from afar ,but hes not that bad she said.
so he came to see me , and boyyy was he tall , he reached down and grabbed me by the waist and lifted me up , there was this glow all over me ,i was sooo happy .........''

F :
" i dreamt i was a princess in the woods  and i wore this really gorgeous black leather dress and my mum tried to take it away from me so i had to KILL HER . '' 😱  😂

OK? SO? WHAT DO YOU ALL THINK? i personally loved them all.

The Boy & the Cookie

The Boy & the Cookie

The Boy & the Cookie

“...I knew him myself. I knew him, and I don’t say he was from the Children of Isra’il. No! He was from the sons of this land. I knew him personally.
He would weep intensely. He would weep intensely, and he would never have the Qur’an recited in his presence except that he would cry, and become humble and soft. He was an amazing, strange person.
He memorized the Qur’an when he was only twelve! However, he was older due to the Words of Allah and his knowledge of Allah, and I don’t place him higher in status than Allah would.
I tell you about him while I have placed a condition on myself that I don’t tell you other than what I saw with my own eyes. The second condition I placed on myself is that I don’t exaggerate in anything I say about him.
He memorized ‘Sahih Muslim’ with me in two weeks. He memorized ‘Sahih al-Bukhari’ with my third friend – we were three – in two weeks. Do you realize? I didn’t know that he had memorized al-Bukhari, and my friend didn’t know that he had memorized Muslim. He loved sincerity. He always loved as-Sirri as-Saqti. Do you know why as-Sirri as-Saqti in particular? Because as-Sirri as-Saqti used to pay a lot of attention to sincerity.
He was very good in school, and in fact excelled in it. He would only sleep between the time he got home from school until Dhuhr time. After ‘Asr, he would attend halaqahs. After Maghrib, he would attend the lessons of the scholars. After ‘Isha’ until eleven, he would study for school. From eleven– every single day – he would pray all night until Fajr.
I am not exaggerating! He is from our own sons, from our country!
Whenever he would read the Qur’an, he would cry. I would read that when some of the Salaf would read the Qur’an, they would pass out. I know the dispute among the scholars on this, but I have never seen this with my own eyes except from this youth. We would pray the Friday prayer, and theimam would recite: {“And the inhabitants of Hell called out to the inhabitants of Paradise ‘Give us a drop of water!’”} [al-A’raf; 50] And he fell down on his head, and we thought he had died.
We prayed one night at my house. I pretended that I was asleep in order to see what he would do. He came over and motioned with his hand over my eyes (to see if I was awake). He woke up at eleven, and I would sleep and wake up, sleep and wake up – and he would be standing in a rak’ahand I wouldn’t see him go down. He would then bow and I wouldn’t see him come up.
On a different night, he would read the Qur’an. When he got to this verse, in front of me: {“Indeed, it is Hell, taking away the skin of the head!”} [al-Ma’arij; 15-16] he cried and passed out. I woke him up, and he got up and made ablution and prayed. When he got to the verse: {“Indeed, it is Hell, taking away the skin of the head!”} he again cried and passed out. I woke him up, and when he got to it a third time, he recited it and passed out again and didn’t wake up until the call for Fajr prayer.
He would recite the entire Qur’an every three nights in secret while praying at night, and would do so every seven days openly during the day. I am not exaggerating, as he would do this in front of me. And by Allah, he would remember Allah in a single day more than 12,000 times! I counted them myself while sitting with him – 12,000 times! I would ask him: “Why?” He replied: “I don’t want Abu Hurayrah to have done more than me.” He had jealousy, jealousy when it came to worship!
He was only seventeen at the time, when he was at this level!
 I didn’t know what to say about him! Whenever he would come across a text to memorize, I would say: “I challenge you to memorize this.” He would say: “Don’t challenge me!” I would try to fire him up, and say: “I challenge you!” The next day, he would come and recite the text to me as if it were just his name. If he made just three mistakes, he would not consider himself to have memorized it. Three mistakes!

This was a person who would repent! If only you knew his sin! I will tell you later what his sin was.
If we lost hope in a youth – we would give da’wah to someone and lose hope in him, we didn’t know, and I am speaking about myself and Allah Knows best about others – he was someone whose supplication was answered in front of seventeen people who bear witness to this, in more than one incident. If we lost hope in a youth, we would tell him to go and give him da’wah. By Allah, after just two days, this person would be guided. He would walk with him for just two days. The first day, the second day, and he would then be praying in the first row! Whether he was a smoker, a drug user, etc., he would become upright right away by the Permission of Allah. This is blessing! Blessing!
One day, he would pray behind a scholar in the southern region who you know of who would elongate the prayer. So, he would elongate it, following the Sunnah. He would lead the people in prayer, and a man came and hit him on the back with a stick while he was bowing, in front of me. After the prayer, he looked at him and asked: “Why did you hit me?”
He replied: “You have whisperings! You make us pray too long!” The imam replied: “You are healthy! You are healthy!”
The man replied: “How do you know I’m healthy?”
This youth then raised his hands to Allah – as soon as he raised his hands, my heart stopped – and said: “O Allah, take away his health until he knows its value and prays properly in front of You!” It was the ‘Asr prayer, and I swear by Allah that this man didn’t pray Maghrib with us. He was at home, laying in bed. After a few weeks, I saw him and said: “Fear Allah! The man is at home in bed! I ask you by Allah...” He said: “My brother, I didn’t mean to do this!” I said: “Ask Allah to cure him.” By Allah, the man prayed with us the next prayer!
In the Haram, he would wear thick glasses. I am telling you that this is a repenter from our times! I know him! He is my friend! I am greater than him in age, but he is greater than me. I don’t place him in status higher than where Allah has placed him.
They were in the Haram, and he was wearing glasses, and they bothered him. He said: “I can’t go to Palestine one day with glasses.” So, he went to the well of Zam Zam in front of the people – they were seventeen people – and he took off his glasses, took the Zam Zam water, said: “O Allah, make it a cure for my vision,” and drank it. He then said: “Allah is the Greatest!” and threw the glasses away in front of everyone! They wanted to test him, and they pointed to a clock that nobody could see, they asked him: “Can you tell us what time it is?” He said: “The time is such and such.” Exact! He would read the Qur’an...his vision was returned 100%!
Indeed, it is supplication! “...and if he asks Me, I will Give him.”
The incidents are many, but the time doesn’t permit me to tell them all.
You know, one day I asked him about his sin. When did I ask him? One day, he recited the verse: {“On the day when some faces will be brightened and some faces will be darkened...”} [Al ‘Imran; 106] By Allah, he cried to the point that my heart was as if it was being torn. I said to him: “The Messenger of Allah said: “The worst of people is he who is asked by Allah and is not responded to,”and I ask you by Allah: what makes you cry like this?” I want to cry like him, people! I want to feel the happiness he felt!
He said: “I committed a sin in my life.”
 I asked him: “What is this sin?”

Do you know what his sin was? You will laugh at yourself. I will explain it to you. He said: “When I was in second grade [before reaching puberty], I went into a store and took a cookie and ate it, and the Fire is more deserving of a body that is nurtured on what is forbidden (i.e. because the cookie didn’t belong to him).”
He died. He died, may Allah have Mercy on him, when he was only twenty. He died because of a stray bullet that someone fired accidentally while playing with a weapon. A bullet was accidentally fired and entered the body of this youth, killing him. He died as a righteous person, and I assume him to be such.
He died, and that was it. It was all over.
However, his life didn’t die. And by Allah, were it not the fact that he asked me by Allah to not reveal his name, I would have revealed it...”
[May Allah reward my good friend Muhammad who showed me this clip, and make me, him, and all who read this story like this incredible youth.] 

A piece from salafstories.blogspot.com

Draw a thicker line

I believe that when people talk ill of me behind my back , when they try to label evil all over me , when they slip hatred and hardship under my door ,when they lie and lie and lie about me and then smile when they see me, when they disrespect me and cavil at every point i try to make , when they stand there and watch me hurt , when they walk all over me , when they twist or misconcieve everything i say to them and leave me dumbfounded ,i believe .........i believe that im the one to blame.

I'm the one who chose to know these people , to be kind to them , to be friends with them , to accomodate them , to let them into my life , to converse with them , to let them KNOW , to see me vulnerable ,i chose to sit and laugh with them , i chose to listen to them. So i'm the one to blame ,i let them cross the line ,they may not have seen the line but how could they ? when i drew the line so thin ,so faint .

Sure , ive said ill things behind your back (may God forgive me), difference is i sure as hell can repeat it to your face ,simply because theyre not lies . 

Normally when i hear about what someone has said about me i say ALLAH YA SAKA MUN meaning basically may karma ruin you .
But i dont say that anymore because just a couple of years ago and early this year and just very recently i heard these ill and ridiculous things that were said about me ,fabricated stories up and down ,i swear my jaw drops everytime , and its heartbreaking and i want to hear more but i dont want to hear more you'know?.
These things are hurtful and some are just plain funny and because of the way i felt everytime i got a little peice of my story it made me regret every little bad thing/joke ive said about someone ,i mean its the same way they would feel or even worse. so now ,everytime i hear about what someone has said about me i simply pray to God to never let me talk ill about that person or anyone else ever/ever again and im glad to report its actually working :)

Now I will forgive ,wont forget anytime soon , but i assure you i will forgive no matter how long it takes 

I try to stay away from as many people as possible sincerely because ive had enough not because i dont like or i'm mad at you ,i just have had enough .

WORD OF ADVICE : IF IT WONT MATTER IN TWO YEARS ITS NOT WORTH HOLDING A GRUDGE  

Well who doesnt love popcorn

After dumping two batches of burnt and nearly toxic popcorn i finnally made this , and yes it was too sweet, no literally it was too sweet , i had put too much sugar in making the simple syrup , it was a mess at first , so tiring ,there was sugar everywhere,POP POP POP on one side of the kitchen ,ugh .
But in the end it was nice ,i mean I MADE POPCORN PEOPLE !!! and the little i managed to save were nice and pleasant .
Moral of the lesson : use a small portion of sugar next time OR!! or just go buy popcorn somewhere

Introducing my Juicy ,melt in your mouth & stay in your heart SALMON .
Steeped in lemon ,honey and ginger ,then beautifully and carefully pan seared. served with some baked veggies .
I have to say ,this is one of my most memorable dishes 😊