Tears

You can stab me in the back a billion times or break my heart over and over and over again.
Go on, be as malicious as you can be and you still wouldn't get a tear out of me
But show me a man or a child who works his hands off ,wakes up as early as 5am to catch a bus or walk to work ,a woman who cries at night knowing there's no food tomorrow morning,a woman who has to dig into a trash can for your left overs to get something for her kids , a child who only knows the unpleasant tune of  a crying crowd after their daily bread of bombs and tear Gases , a child whose insides can't recognize clean food , an old man who can't afford medication , a man who cries at night because he's out of ideas,...... Show me just one of these people and I promise you a warm of river tears .
How lucky are we to have tragedy so small ,like worrying about what to wear tomorrow or getting stressed over choosing which restaurant to go to or being unhappy because you woke up as 'early' as 11am
There is so much hurt in this world, so much work to do and it kills me that I'm not doing half of what I could be doing .
-Mufy

Apparently I'm incapable of being in love

Today ,this beautiful Friday afternoon , a dear friend told me that I am incapable of being in love , he said ,comfortably "you would end up being one of those single 50 year old Rich and respected women "

Now please ,is anything wrong with that?

I said to him , "it's funny ,I take that as a compliment "

He went on and added " .....but wouldnt you like to come back home to someone who loves you (not someone i love yknow because God forbid that ever happens) and kids of your own ?"

"Of course I would " I said to him "But you don't understand, if I don't ever get married or have kids I'm sure it wouldn't be my fault ,it'll just be God's will you'know , shall I go on day dreaming and planning my future with a blank-faced "husband" and then get disappointed in the future when my dreams dont come true? .....No!, I'm not going to make a fuss of it "

He decides he must go on ......" the thing is you're blunt and you have a man's mind ,  you also simply don't care about other people's feelings " ..........

At this point I was just enjoying the debate really

"...... yes i believe so and of course I don't care about other people's feelings but that won't stop me from getting a husband or having a child and I've been in love ,you can believe if you want.If i love someone then i care about their emotions or whatever and what has my bluntness got to do with it ? "

He says "I don't believe you even know what love is because your heart is half flesh-half stone , and your bluntness has everything to do with it because you could send people away with it "

Well At least my heart is half flesh right?? Lol

So I say to him "so men don't like blunt ladies who have a mind of their own ? , I'm supposed to be sweet ,mellow, obedient and shy? As my gender defines? "

At this point I got really tired of talking ,it so happens ive been suffering from hay fever
Me:
"......I can't believe you came to see if I was feeling better and decided to have war with me "

Him:
" I'm not having a war with you and personally i adore ladies who have got a mind of their own , I'm just telling you ,you have to change before its too late ....."

Me: well do you think you're the only guy out there who adores people like me? .... whatever will be will be dear , I do want to get married and have a family and when I do I'll make sure you meet them someday ,but if I don't the world won't stop ,not for a tiny second ".

.......................................................................

I literally recorded this conversation (he didnt know of course ) . It was longer than what I allow on here but those were the main bullets .

Now this friend of mine wouldn't be the first to tell me all of the above.  people actually think I'm incapable of loving or being soft or being romantic simply because I'm blunt .

That is not the case really , yes I admit I am blunt and i walk around with an attitude that says love is weakness but I do love ,deeply and that's the sorry part ,I love deeply and it consumes me ,and i hate it and i hate myself in such periods ,you see, I love myself so much, I really do and i wouldn't want to put myself in a hurtful or time wasting position ,not again ......ever.

As for marriage I'm simply scared of it , that I will love my husband so much and he won't love me back or that he would one day be unfaithful or that his family wouldn't like me or that I wouldn't love him as much as he will love me.
These are mainly why I don't go around making marriage a big deal for me .

But I can't say it out loud to people because the few I've said it to just refused to understand

I know I wouldn't know untill I try but that doesn't stop me from being scared and i have every right to .
What's so wrong in shielding yourself from a heartbreak?  I mean marriage is a forever thing for Lords sake

Anyway I could have told him all that but I just wasn't even taking the whole conversation serious

I did have a good laugh out of it all , I needed it 😅.

Xx